Stupid Fucking Virus: Never, ever, EVER pay to have malware removed

I had planned to squeeze a different post in for the last day of July, but instead spent far too much time this weekend dealing with something called "Antivir Solution Platinum." It is yet another bogus piece of computer security software that not surprisingly ends up high on the Google search results when I typed in those first three words to the title of this post.

My friend once told me how he came to learn a lot about computers simply by fixing any problems on his own, and now that he's got a kid, he can no longer run over to my house to fix our PC after Mom or Dad (but certainly not me, of course) fuck some shit up old-school by clicking on one of the fraudulent security threats. So the past three or four times this has happened, I referred to the video in this post and followed those simple instructions. Until this weekend, the trio of spyware-killing programs did the trick. You can and should download all three—seeing as they're all free:

• Malwarebytes
• SUPERAntiSpyware
• Avira 

I should also mention that while some viruses are indeed quite sophisticated these days and take on the appearance of being legitimate security for your PC, they're nothing of the sort. My mother grew frustrated with my first day-and-a-half worth of attempts (this one was the trickiest I've dealt with yet) and purchased the "Antivir" bullshit program for the unbelievably outrageous price of $70.

Oh sure, it did the trick in allowing internet access and going away for the time being. But after looking into the matter a little further (which I obviously could not do from home initially since the bastard of a virus prevented any and all internet access), I returned home from the library to inform Mom that she'd better call the bank and cancel her credit card since (as one commenter here mentions) the company behind this scam was planning to use the info for some identity theft.

Ironically, immediately after telling her this and not more than a few hours after purchasing the product, there was already a message from Chase on our machine about suspicious activity on Mom's card. She canceled the old one but will still have to resolve whether she can get that $70 back.

Again, I recommend downloading all three of those free programs and updating them regularly so you don't have to go through the same thing—even if you can't pass the blame on to your folks for being guilty of being, you know, innocent when it comes to the occasional trials and tribulations of the internet.