Friday, November 28, 2008

"Quarters mostly"

They're already through the first quarter of the season in the NHL, which means ... well, I don't really know what it means. It means right now is the time of year for some teams where fans might be enormously disappointed or totally flabbergasted by how their team has performed so far.

Being that I get off to a slow start getting into almost all sports (with the exception of football this year, obviously), I've been doing my best to try and keep up with the Blackhawks. And from what I've seen so far, it seems like this year I will actually get to see Chicago in the post-season. True, there's still a long way to go and the team is currently a mere seven-seed, but there's a lot more reason for optimism about these Hawks than there's been in recent years.

That said, here's five quick thoughts about how I'm feeling and what I'm looking for in the rest of the season:
  • There's no real No. 1 goaltender. Or at least nobody has, in my mind, dominated the job so thoroughly that I favor one over the other. Neither guy excites me, but I don't dislike either. Khabibulin's injury will give Huet a good opportunity to prove himself if he's up to the job, but I wouldn't get too excited about Crawford seeing his time while Khabi's out. It sounds like he'll be back fairly quickly and the only question will be if Huet has not given reason to be benched.
  • The Savard firing was awkward only in its timing. In hindsight, it's fairly easy to believe that the move was discussed some time ago and barring the Hawks coming out undefeated, he was going to be axed as soon as the public relations tour had maxed out its potential. (And judging by ratings so far this year, it did pretty well.) Still, Coach Q has come in and made my impression of the team become less about a seemingly justified concern with the defense and more about a rewarded hope in the offense.
  • The Hawks have potential in their scoring (3.45 GFA is 3rd in the league), so I'd have no complaints if the offense can continue to prove itself to be a constant threat to the point that opposing teams would know they're fucked on a power play. So far, they're one of the better teams in the league on that. If they can maintain a solid reputation of being dangerous on that end of the ice, it would make them an extremely dangerous team in the playoffs.
  • OK, Patrick Kane is pretty good. But what do you want me to say? Wasn't it fair to worry about grabbing a bust? Or still bemoan the fact that Sidney Crosby ended up in fucking Pittsburgh, where their fucking hero was threatening to take the team out of town a couple years ago. But I'm over all of that. Kane's been fun to watch and he's putting up the numbers too (9th in the league with 26 points, which is well ahead of pace of the 72 he had last season).
  • I've said it before, but I mean, really. I was sitting in the car today on the way home listening to the Blackhawks on the radio ... on WGN. That's the same station as the Cubs, but the amount of listeners it has when the North Siders aren't playing is still pretty remarkable. And when I got home, they were on WGN's TV station too. That's only an up-button press or two away from the national networks. And my folks don't have cable.
That's still pretty remarkable to me, being able to catch all these hockey games. I haven't been as avid a hockey fan until the past five or so seasons when the playoffs seemed to capture my fascination every summer, but for the long-time suffering fans of the team, this is what they bitched about for years under Dollar Bill. When I met Rocky at the Binny's downtown for a bottle signing, that was the thing people kept saying to him: "Thanks for finally getting the home games on TV."

I can't imagine how happy they are, but I'm getting an idea.

And it feels great.
[Post Title derived from this classic Mr. Show sketch.]

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Week 13 Picks

I've probably said time and time again how one of these weeks I was just going to take the numbers and go with them—whatever they said.

Well, guess what?

This week is that week.

Now, sure, there's a few games I think I would have liked to shift around. And there's even one I had to really think about changing. But after I finished adding up all the scenarios and re-organizing the picks, I thought that if I was going to pull this test any week, it should be this week.

As a result, here's what I came out with:

16 points
Tennessee Titans (10-1) over Detroit Lions (0-11)
+37/-19 : +153/183/-30 : -11/+116

Whomever is playing the Lions = automatic 16-pointer.

15 points
Baltimore Ravens (7-4) over Cincinnati Bengals (1-9-1)
+33/+9 : +94/104/-10 : -19/+61

Betting big against the Bengals is another productive habit.

14 points
New York Giants (10-1) over Washington Redskins (7-4)
+113/-3 : +113/98/+15 : +18/0

I respect the Redskins enough to know this pick makes me wince. But realistically, the Giants haven't made me sweat too much this season.

13 points
Miami Dolphins (6-5) over St. Louis Rams (2-9)
+13/-5 : +95/90/-5 : 0/+82

Not thrilled it's in St. Louis, but considering the football team that's calling the place "home," I don't see Miami having a problem.

12 points
Buffalo Bills (6-5) over San Francisco 49ers (3-8)
+11/-11 : +76/77/-1 : +10/+65

You can never have enough NFC West opponents on your schedule.

11 points
Indianapolis Colts (7-4) over Cleveland Browns (4-7)
+40/-3 : +60/68/-8 : -5/+20

The Colts are rolling now and aren't likely to stumble against the hapless Browns.

10 points
Dallas Cowboys (7-4) over Seattle Seahawks (2-9)
+16/-1 : +63/67/-4 : -3/+47

Texas was not the spot in the nation that the Seahawks needed to be this weekend.

9 points
New York Jets (8-3) over Denver Broncos (6-5)
+41/-12 : +31/55/-24 : -12/-10

Now that the Broncos have taken Jacksonville's spot at the bottom of my points-earners, I'm somewhat concerned they'll pull one out. But the Jets have simply come together and their victory over Tennessee quieted most of their skeptics.

8 points
Carolina Panthers (8-3) over Green Bay Packers (5-6)
+44/-7 : +51/54/-3 : +4/+7

Many people have picked Green Bay, so perhaps this one's the "sleeper" for the week.

7 points
Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3) over New England Patriots (7-4)
+49/-8 : +46/42/+4 : +12/-3

An awful lot of points on what could be an awfully close game.

6 points
Atlanta Falcons (7-4) over San Diego Chargers (4-7)
+8/-15 : +26/36/-10 : +5/+18

Part of me still assumes the Chargers will break out of their funk, but that window seems like it might have already closed.

5 points
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-3) over New Orleans Saints (6-5)
+48/+12 : +62/32/+30 : +18/+14

The Bucs are simply the better team. (Yes, should've been higher.)

4 points
Oakland Raiders (3-8) over Kansas City Chiefs (1-10)
0/+39 : +51/27/+24 : -15/+51

Ladies and gentleman, the very first time I've picked the Raiders to win this season.

3 points
Arizona Cardinals (7-4) over Philadelphia Eagles (5-5-1)
+37/+21 : +64/20/+44 : +23/+27

While it's certainly theirs to lose, the Cards still want to wrap up that division as soon as they can.

2 points
Minnesota Vikings (6-5) over Chicago Bears (6-5)
+29/+17 : +38/15/+23 : +6/+9

I want to believe the better Bears show up on Sunday night, but I instead foresee myself openly whining about the repeated Viking sound effect in that stupid dome every time the team gets a first down. (I'm already gritting my teeth just thinking about it.)

At least I can wear my Berrian jersey on Sunday.

1 point
Houston Texans (4-7) over Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7)
+30/+48 : +38/8/+30 : -18/+8

Perfect. I usually like having little depending on Monday night's outcome.


UPDATE: Oops ...

I just realized my math was off on the Miami-St. Louis game. Technically, that should have been a 100-point difference and thus, higher-ranked than the Giants-Redskins game. We'll see how that affects the experiment.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Week 12 Power Rankings

I scored a season-high 102 points last week, but it was only good enough for a tie for 6th place (out of 24). Still, it was also good enough to bring me to 974 points on this season and bring me up to 3rd place for the year.

I once again went 10-6 for the week, and my 112-64 (.636) mark for the year remains ahead of the median on Yahoo!, although I'm behind more names at ESPN than I'd like to be.

While first place for the season is still going to require something of a miracle, there was a dubious bit of achievement this week for the Power Rankings as we now have a new bottom-feeder (!!!):


1. (1) NEW YORK GIANTS
  • Last week: Beat Arizona, 37-29 (+14)
  • Actual Record: 10-1
  • My predicted record: 10-1
  • Points scored for me with wins: 125
  • Points scored for me with losses: 0
  • Points taken from me with wins: 3
  • Points taken from me with losses: 12
  • Plus/Minus: +110
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
We can officially call them the best team in the league now that they're tied for the league's best record, right?
2. (2) DETROIT LIONS
  • Last week: Lost to Tampa Bay, 38-20 (+16)
  • Actual Record: 0-11
  • My predicted record: 3-8
  • Points scored for me with wins: 0
  • Points scored for me with losses: 116
  • Points taken from me with wins: 0
  • Points taken from me with losses: 11
  • Plus/Minus: +105
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Michael Silver says he will have them winning when they play N'awlins on Dec. 21.

I still think already having picked them three times was enough for the year.
3. (4) ST. LOUIS RAMS
  • Last week: Lost to Chicago, 27-3 (+12)
  • Actual Record: 2-9
  • My predicted record: 0-11
  • Points scored for me with wins: 0
  • Points scored for me with losses: 104
  • Points taken from me with wins: 22
  • Points taken from me with losses: 0
  • Plus/Minus: +82
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
It was fun to recall that the last time we remembered the Rams being good was the year this happened.

Poor B. Doggy.

4. (3) HOUSTON TEXANS
  • Last week: Beat Cleveland, 16-6 (+3)
  • Actual Record: 4-7
  • My predicted record: 5-6
  • Points scored for me with wins: 32
  • Points scored for me with losses: 48
  • Points taken from me with wins: 0
  • Points taken from me with losses: 2
  • Plus/Minus: +78
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
No complaints here.
5. (5) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
  • Last week: Lost to Dallas, 35-22 (+11)
  • Actual Record: 3-8
  • My predicted record: 3-8
  • Points scored for me with wins: 20
  • Points scored for me with losses: 68
  • Points taken from me with wins: 3
  • Points taken from me with losses: 10
  • Plus/Minus: +75
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
All alone in second place!
6. (8) TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
  • Last week: Beat Detroit, 38-20 (+16)
  • Actual Record: 8-3
  • My predicted record: 7-4
  • Points scored for me with wins: 56
  • Points scored for me with losses: 21
  • Points taken from me with wins: 9
  • Points taken from me with losses: 8
  • Plus/Minus: +60
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Now tied with the Panthers in the South, they're going to be fighting for not just the division, but a first-round bye as well.
7. (8) ARIZONA CARDINALS
  • Last week: Lost to New York Giants, 37-29 (+14)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 4-7
  • Points scored for me with wins: 37
  • Points scored for me with losses: 39
  • Points taken from me with wins: 18
  • Points taken from me with losses: 0
  • Plus/Minus: +58
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Still somewhat amazing that despite the three game differential in their actual record and the one I've predicted for them, they could still rank this high.
8. (8) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
  • Last week: Lost to Baltimore, 36-7 (+6)
  • Actual Record: 5-5-1
  • My predicted record: 5-6
  • Points scored for me with wins: 38
  • Points scored for me with losses: 28
  • Points taken from me with wins: 1
  • Points taken from me with losses/ties: 15
  • Plus/Minus: +50
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
It appears the Reid-McNabb era may indeed be coming to an end.
9. (11) MINNESOTA VIKINGS
  • Last week: Beat Jacksonville, 30-12 (+7)
  • Actual Record: 6-5
  • My predicted record: 4-7
  • Points scored for me with wins: 29
  • Points scored for me with losses: 33
  • Points taken from me with wins: 16
  • Points taken from me with losses: 0
  • Plus/Minus: +46
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Thank you for not screwing the pooch against the Jags.

Much appreciated.
10. (14) SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
  • Last week: Lost to Washington, 20-17 (+10)
  • Actual Record: 2-9
  • My predicted record: 4-7
  • Points scored for me with wins: 10
  • Points scored for me with losses: 57
  • Points taken from me with wins: 10
  • Points taken from me with losses: 13
  • Plus/Minus: +44
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
When they start moving up like they have been, it can only mean they're bound to pull off an upset and go tumbling back down again.

Luckily it wasn't this past week, although they certainly made it a little closer than I would have preferred.

11. (13) BALTIMORE RAVENS
  • Last week: Beat Philadelphia, 36-7 (+6)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 5-6
  • Points scored for me with wins: 37
  • Points scored for me with losses: 25
  • Points taken from me with wins: 16
  • Points taken from me with losses: 4
  • Plus/Minus: +42
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
While they're going to get a softball in the Bengals this week, they can't rest up.

The three weeks after that has the Redskins and Steelers coming to town before they go to Dallas. Could be rough.

11. (18) CINCINNATI BENGALS
  • Last week: Lost to Pittsburgh, 27-10 (+15)
  • Actual Record: 1-9-1
  • My predicted record: 3-8
  • Points scored for me with wins: 1
  • Points scored for me with losses: 76
  • Points taken from me with wins/ties: 15
  • Points taken from me with losses: 20
  • Plus/Minus: +42
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
One thing I can be certain of: They'll still be tied with the Ravens in these Power Rankings next week.

Bet the farm on it.
13. (19) PITTSBURGH STEELERS
  • Last week: Beat Cincinnati, 27-10 (+15)
  • Actual Record: 8-3
  • My predicted record: 9-2
  • Points scored for me with wins: 59
  • Points scored for me with losses: 0
  • Points taken from me with wins: 8
  • Points taken from me with losses: 10
  • Plus/Minus: +41
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
It's not like the Ravens are the only ones with pressure on them; the Steelers have three of their next four on the road (in New England, Baltimore and Tennessee [!]).

And the one home game in that span is the Cowboys.
14. (6) OAKLAND RAIDERS
  • Last week: Beat Denver, 31-10 (-13)
  • Actual Record: 3-8
  • My predicted record: 0-11
  • Points scored for me with wins: 0
  • Points scored for me with losses: 77
  • Points taken from me with wins: 38
  • Points taken from me with losses: 0
  • Plus/Minus: +39
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Just when they'd cracked the top ten, they go and pants the Broncos on their own field.

Nice.
15. (7) CAROLINA PANTHERS
  • Last week: Lost to Atlanta, 45-28 (-9)
  • Actual Record: 8-3
  • My predicted record: 7-4
  • Points scored for me with wins: 61
  • Points scored for me with losses: 4
  • Points taken from me with wins: 11
  • Points taken from me with losses: 17
  • Plus/Minus: +37
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
I'm officially done giving credit to the Panthers' run defense (410 yards and six touchdowns allowed on the ground over the past three games——two of which were against the Raiders and the Lions [!]).
15. (17) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
  • Last week: Beat San Diego, 23-20 (+8)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 9-2
  • Points scored for me with wins: 52
  • Points scored for me with losses: 3
  • Points taken from me with wins: 6
  • Points taken from me with losses: 12
  • Plus/Minus: +37
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Still very capable of making the playoffs, although I don't know I'd see them doing anything once they got in.
17. (12) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
  • Last week: Lost to Buffalo, 54-31 (-1)
  • Actual Record: 1-10
  • My predicted record: 3-8
  • Points scored for me with wins: 0
  • Points scored for me with losses: 64
  • Points taken from me with wins: 13
  • Points taken from me with losses: 15
  • Plus/Minus: +36
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
And that's enough of that. Had they put up just a little more of a fight against the Bills, I'd have considered putting one more point on them for the third straight week.

They really are as bad as their record.

18. (14) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
  • Last week: Beat Green Bay, 51-29 (-2)
  • Actual Record: 6-5
  • My predicted record: 6-5
  • Points scored for me with wins: 35
  • Points scored for me with losses: 17
  • Points taken from me with wins: 3
  • Points taken from me with losses: 17
  • Plus/Minus: +32
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
First back-to-back wins of the season, but is it too late?
19. (14) NEW YORK JETS
  • Last week: Beat Tennessee, 34-13 (-5)
  • Actual Record: 8-3
  • My predicted record: 6-5
  • Points scored for me with wins: 53
  • Points scored for me with losses: 5
  • Points taken from me with wins: 17
  • Points taken from me with losses: 12
  • Plus/Minus: +29
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
It doesn't seem all that long ago that the Jets were doing exactly as I was predicting.

Now they've been making me pay for underestimating them and the beating they gave the Titans erased just about any doubts I had.
20. (21) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
  • Last week: Lost to Indianapolis, 23-20 (+8)
  • Actual Record: 4-7
  • My predicted record: 5-6
  • Points scored for me with wins: 19
  • Points scored for me with losses: 20
  • Points taken from me with wins: 2
  • Points taken from me with losses: 14
  • Plus/Minus: +23
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
The AFC West: "Somebody's gotta' win it!"
21. (20) TENNESSEE TITANS
  • Last week: Lost to New York Jets, 34-13 (-5)
  • Actual Record: 10-1
  • My predicted record: 6-5
  • Points scored for me with wins: 42
  • Points scored for me with losses: 0
  • Points taken from me with wins: 19
  • Points taken from me with losses: 5
  • Plus/Minus: +18
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
At least we won't have to hear from Mercury Morris again for the rest of the season.
21. (26) WASHINGTON REDSKINS
  • Last week: Beat Seattle, 20-17 (+10)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 7-4
  • Points scored for me with wins: 37
  • Points scored for me with losses: 20
  • Points taken from me with wins: 20
  • Points taken from me with losses: 19
  • Plus/Minus: +18
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Their season could very well rest on this week's game with the Giants.
23. (28) CHICAGO BEARS
  • Last week: Beat St. Louis, 27-3 (+12)
  • Actual Record: 6-5
  • My predicted record: 9-2
  • Points scored for me with wins: 36
  • Points scored for me with losses: 10
  • Points taken from me with wins: 1
  • Points taken from me with losses: 30
  • Plus/Minus: +15
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
We crushed the friggin' Rams!

We're really on our way now!
23. (24) CLEVELAND BROWNS
  • Last week: Lost to Houston, 16-6 (+3)
  • Actual Record: 4-7
  • My predicted record: 3-8
  • Points scored for me with wins: 3
  • Points scored for me with losses: 41
  • Points taken from me with wins: 21
  • Points taken from me with losses: 8
  • Plus/Minus: +15
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
That's a f#*king rough week in Cleveland.
23. (27) DALLAS COWBOYS
  • Last week: Beat San Francisco, 35-22 (+11)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 8-3
  • Points scored for me with wins: 46
  • Points scored for me with losses: 13
  • Points taken from me with wins: 14
  • Points taken from me with losses: 30
  • Plus/Minus: +15
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
I hate it to put it like this Big D, but if you flop against the Seahawks, you'll have a losing record against the NFC West.

That's not something any team wants to admit to.
26. (22) GREEN BAY PACKERS
  • Last week: Lost to New Orleans, 51-29 (-2)
  • Actual Record: 5-6
  • My predicted record: 6-5
  • Points scored for me with wins: 15
  • Points scored for me with losses: 20
  • Points taken from me with wins: 13
  • Points taken from me with losses: 11
  • Plus/Minus: +11
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Well, at least Brett Favre will be in the playoffs, right?
27. (22) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
  • Last week: Beat Miami, 48-28 (-4)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 8-3
  • Points scored for me with wins: 34
  • Points scored for me with losses: 4
  • Points taken from me with wins: 7
  • Points taken from me with losses: 22
  • Plus/Minus: +9
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Will you please stop fucking with me already!?
28. (24) MIAMI DOLPHINS
  • Last week: Lost to New England, 48-28 (-4)
  • Actual Record: 6-5
  • My predicted record: 4-7
  • Points scored for me with wins: 21
  • Points scored for me with losses: 27
  • Points taken from me with wins: 32
  • Points taken from me with losses: 8
  • Plus/Minus: +8
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Thanks for nothing, fish.
29. (31) BUFFALO BILLS
  • Last week: Beat Kansas City, 54-31 (-1)
  • Actual Record: 6-5
  • My predicted record: 6-5
  • Points scored for me with wins: 28
  • Points scored for me with losses: 5
  • Points taken from me with wins: 16
  • Points taken from me with losses: 17
  • Plus/Minus: EVEN
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
Not positive, yet not negative either.

How fitting.
30. (29) ATLANTA FALCONS
  • Last week: Beat Carolina, 45-28 (-9)
  • Actual Record: 7-4
  • My predicted record: 4-7
  • Points scored for me with wins: 18
  • Points scored for me with losses: 19
  • Points taken from me with wins: 34
  • Points taken from me with losses: 10
  • Plus/Minus: -7
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
They've cost me 19 points over the last two weeks, so I'm not particularly a fan of theirs at the moment.
31. (32) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
  • Last week: Lost to Minnesota, 30-12 (+7)
  • Actual Record: 4-7
  • My predicted record: 5-6
  • Points scored for me with wins: 3
  • Points scored for me with losses: 21
  • Points taken from me with wins: 13
  • Points taken from me with losses: 21
  • Plus/Minus: -10
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
OMG! 31st! Who'd have thought?
32. (31) DENVER BRONCOS
  • Last week: Lost to Oakland, 31-10 (-13)
  • Actual Record: 6-5
  • My predicted record: 10-1
  • Points scored for me with wins: 26
  • Points scored for me with losses: 0
  • Points taken from me with wins: 10
  • Points taken from me with losses: 38
  • Plus/Minus: -22
  • "TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL":
I suppose I still detest the Jags more, but the Broncos are certainly running a close second.

16-point games: 4-0
15-point games: 3-2
14-point games: 10-1
13-point games: 9-3
12-point games: 10-2
11-point games: 10-2
10-point games: 9-3
9-point games: 7-5
8-point games: 6-6
7-point games: 7-5
6-point games: 7-5
5-point games: 3-9
4-point games: 8-4
3-point games: 7-5
2-point games: 6-6
1-point games: 6-6

Friday, November 21, 2008

I fought the law, and I won

I had taken a little too much time trying to think of a cute way to squeeze in a way of asking the lady to see me that night when I was texting her at the Caribou. I took a little more time when I was debating whether or not to buy the paper there or when I get into the city, when I'd be buying a New York Times anyway.

So by the time I actually walked out the door, I of course heard the bells clanging and saw the cars from the train make their gentle inch forward as the whistle sounded. I just kind of shook my head and smiled. There was another one coming in a half-hour that I normally would have relied on, but had I missed that one, then I'd have to wait an hour and a half or some shit, and, well, fuck that.

So I took my time walking up to the station and when I arrived a minute or so later, with nothing to do, I lit up a cigarette.


OK, see where that lady's walking out of? That's a little coffee place called Depot Express. Now see that little blue sign on the glass, past where she's walking from and just a little to the left of her eyeline? Yeah, that's where I was standing when I lit up my smoke.

There was nobody else around at the time, seeing as most everybody on the platform had just boarded the train. And the few who'd perhaps missed it were all now waiting inside the station's ticket office located around that little glassed area where the blue sign is. It was, after all, pretty cold out.

You could tell by how rosy the cheeks were on the heavy-set older woman who was walking toward me along the platform. Breathing seemed somewhat difficult for her while she tugged along her luggage on wheels behind her. She appeared to be headed presumably for the comfort of the indoor heated shelter of the ticket office when she looked at me as she passed and remarked, "You're supposed to be 15 feet from the door."

She continued to look at me but also continued toward the doors inside. Having not really seen her comment coming, the only thing I could originally think about was how long it had been since anybody had said something like that to me—or at least, in that tone. That, and I was internally asking myself if I was really within 15 feet of the door.

Naturally, my only reaction was to smile and release a snickering sound that hopefully indicated how amusing I found the whole thing. "Oh, you non-smokers ..."

I guess she didn't like that much because she stopped and came back towards me, sporting a nasty scowl and saying, "It's a statewide law ... idiot."

Idiot.

I really let that soak in. Had I been drinking, or even hungover the way I used to be, I'm relatively certain that by this point I would have really put the bitch in her place. When the ban first went into effect in Chicago a while back, I flicked my lit butt directly into the chest of the white-collar fiftysomething that did exactly the same thing and walked right on into Ogilvie. I could hear him shouting on the other side of the glass.

This woman, however, caught me on a good day. And so I laughed, hopefully letting her know how much I sincerely appreciated this amusing anecdote to missing the train—something that used to drive me fucking nuts.

I thought the matter was resolved after she'd scoffed and opened the door to the station, but she stopped and turned back toward me. "Would you like me to call the police?"

This was becoming the gift that just wouldn't stop giving. I'm pretty sure there was no way to keep a straight face with how entertaining I was finding all of this, what with puffy-faced non-smoker probably having her entire day ruined all because she was making mine.

I felt disappointed when she walked inside to make her phone call. I very much wanted to hear how such a conversation actually went.

Seeing as there was still much time before the next train arrived, I took my time finishing my cigarette and became increasingly giddy at actually getting to talk to a police officer to begin my day. It had been quite some time since I had had a conversation with one in which I wasn't balls-to-the-wall wasted. Today, I'd be able to address their concerns sober as a stone, sharp as a tack.

Alas, the squad car never arrived. Or at least the train did first, some 15 minutes later. But it was exciting for those few fleeting moments that made me realize how grateful I am to be a smoker. I do it almost entirely because cigarettes help me relax. The personal physical penalty I pay for smoking is the possibility that I might die sooner, which doesn't really frighten me as much as it should ... yet ... I guess.

Incidents like what happened this particular Wednesday morning at the train station are a further sign of how much more I need to pray for non-smokers, because if anybody really needs something that will help them chill the hell out, it's them.

And now I know what I must do if I should encounter this woman again: I will apologize for my rudeness and then humbly reach into my pocket to offer her a cigarette.

"You need this more than me."