The Countdown: Three becomes two

In this area, we've endured what I was told was a record amount of snow last month, but now nearly every last sign of white has all but disappeared and it's getting closer to being so comfortable outside that I can once again sit on the stoop in front of the house, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and complete a puzzle or two. It's now becoming more frequent for the morning to begin with me actually asking myself, "Do I need a coat for this?"

But the shift feels a little bit more substantial this particular spring at this particular time, and not just because it appears that the shovel's not going to be looked at again until Thanksgiving. I'd be more giddy about the prospect of sitting outside for a couple hours again to start the day if I were even able to stand still right now.

That's largely because more than three years after I was being arrested for another DUI, I had my probation terminated early last Thursday. And now without any more check-ins at the courthouse to essentially document that I've been staying out of trouble, I'm finally free to go do whatever I want.

It's still sinking in as to what that even feels like. After three years of being what I described as a "prisoner of the state," I've now got two months to take advantage of this newfound supposed freedom.


I've made the point here before that I'm simply just not the avid fan of collegiate athletics that I am of the professional sports, so while one of the things I'm supposed to be doing today is figuring out which pool to enter and when I have to submit my picks by, I've instead decided not to get involved with any of it this year. I'll opt to catch whatever games are on and feel free to root for an upset, but as far as stressing over filling out a winning bracket? Nope, not for me this year.

I've just got too much on my mind right now.

The NCAA Championship is typically the first Monday night in April, and by then I'm hoping I've made some significant strides in getting closer to moving to a place I've been too all but a  single time: Austin, Texas. I'll hopefully just be stressing about the multitude of things I can't control and presumably still be having mounting fear over. It's probably safe to assume ™ is going through something similar since she's moving into the same place.

It's too soon for me to be posting the Summer Disclaimer I created last year, but now it seems as though just like that, summer's really almost here. Day after day for so long, there seemed to be no point to imagining what you'd do differently if you weren't on probation. But now that the same eternal obstacle has been taken out of the picture, there's no reason to wait any longer to change things.

I'm working a job I wouldn't quit soon enough if something better came along. It seems that not only would I be likely to stay here working that job and wondering when the "something better" would ever fucking present itself, but I'd be wondering if my chances might be better in a different setting. Leaving the job I'm currently at is highly unlikely to be a decision I'd regret—even if in all likelihood I end up starting off doing pretty much the same thing when I first arrive in the Lone Star State.

As much as I want there to be a clear transition in my life from one exhausted career to a fresh start in a new one, I know that I can't make such promises about anything. What's more, I'm not going to stop worrying about things either. 

So I keep reminding myself about a line from an op/ed that I'd cited here before and getting ready to "jump."

Usually after finishing a puzzle out on the stoop, I like to also make or review running checklists of things I need to get done.

It'll feel good to finally start making the lists a little longer.