2013-14 NHL Predictions: Lamest predictions ever

There was of course immediate fear that Sports Illustrated jinxed the Blackhawks season that begins tomorrow night when they put Patrick Kane on the cover and proclaimed Chicago would repeat as Stanley Cup Champions. The 'Hawks will hear over and over again how no team has repeated since the 1997-98 Detroit Red Wings, although much like last year's defending champion Los Angeles Kings, there's good reason for optimism in the Windy City since (unlike the start to the 2010-11 season) many of the key players from last year's Cup run are still on the team. Oh, and as I recall it, the last time I posted a pre-season magazine issue with the Blackhawks on the cover, that was the previous year they won the Stanley Cup. 

After winning the Cup in late June, the off-season certainly felt quite short. On top of that, this is also another year in which the regular season will have an asinine three week-or-so interruption because of the Olympics. Of course, the last time there was an Olympics interlude, that was also the season the Blackhawks won the Cup in 2010. 

So there's certainly some encouraging signs on that front, but there's also a whole slew of other factors to consider—none of which I can say I'm adequately prepared for. While I actually paid attention to the NHL Draft this off-season, I've been fairly oblivious to other major moves and then there's the entire reshuffling and reorganizing of divisions that also affects the playoffs in ways that I'm not totally certain I completely understand yet. 

Still, the puck drops on another NHL season tomorrow and I'll throw my half-assed picks out there, not that I think I'll be taking any tremendous risks. 

Based on the few predictions I've seen thus far, most everybody has one of the same two teams winning each one of the four divisions, but you'll have to forgive me for skipping out on commentary right now for my reasoning. I've got a major transcribing gig I'm trying to wrap up before leaving town, and there's still a whole shitload of other things to post this week too. There'll obviously be more thoughts on hockey during the year, but for, now, here's my total guesses about how this season winds up:

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Atlantic

Detroit Red Wings

Boston Bruins

Ottawa Senators

Montreal Canadiens

Toronto Maple Leafs

Tampa Bay Lightning

Florida Panthers

Buffalo Sabres



Metropolitan

Pittsburgh Penguins

Columbus Blue Jackets

New York Rangers

New York Islanders

Washington Capitals

Carolina Hurricanes

Philadelphia Flyers

New Jersey Devils



WESTERN CONFERENCE

Central

Chicago Blackhawks

St. Louis Blues

Minnesota Wild

Nashville Predators

Dallas Stars

Winnipeg Jets

Colorado Avalanche




Pacific

San Jose Sharks




Los Angeles Kings

Vancouver Canucks

Edmonton Oilers

Anaheim Ducks

Phoenix Coyotes

Calgary Flames



Stanley Cup Playoffs Opening Round

Red Wings over Islanders in 7 games

Senators over Bruins in 7 games

Penguins over Canadiens in 5 games

Blue Jackets over Rangers in 6 games

Blackhawks over Oilers in 6 games

Blues over Wild in 5 games

Sharks over Predators in 6 games

Kings over Canucks in 7 games




Division Finals (?)

Red Wings over Senators in 7 games

Penguins over Blue Jackets in 6 games

Blackhawks over Blues in 6 games

Sharks over Kings in 5 games





Conference Finals

Penguins over Red Wings in 6 games

Sharks over Blackhawks in 7 games






2014 Stanley Cup Final

San Jose Sharks over Pittsburgh Penguins in 7 games

I'm not sure that anything could better indicate a total stab in the dark than concluding the perennially cursed Sharks will finally prevail, but they showed a lot of life in last year's playoffs and seem like the most attractive non-Penguins, non-Bruins, non-Kings pick (those seem to be the popular faves I've seen, and I picked the Blues last year). Also, another key to helping the Blackhawks win is having me not pick them. Hopefully by the playoffs, I'll have downloaded the higher-quality logos.