Random Pervert's A Series of Shameless Links

I trust you saw the big news on Monday.

Now, you won't hear me contesting this "sexiest woman" title being bestowed upon Scarlett Johansson. Yeah, she's a knockout. Okay, fair enough.

And the rest of the top ten list was pretty much to be expected: Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Keira Knightley, Halle Berry—all perfectly understandable.

But then we've got Jenny McCarthy? Carmen Electra? How many of these FHM readers are still jerking off to Playboys that are years old? Oh, wait—I forgot that magazine is still thinking rather highly of those ladies, too. I guess that strikes me as being a little funny because how long ago did "Singled Out" go off the air? A decade ago? And what has either Jenny, Carmen, or anybody else from that show done notably since? So there's that—and had I voted, chicks with implants are immediately disqualified on principle.

Now if I had voted, then there would have been better representation for Salma Hayek, Maggie Gyllenhaal (you know, the one who got the talent in the family), Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lara Logan, Liz Marlantes, Eliza Dushku, Eva Longoria, Aisha Tyler, Kate Beckinsale, Tyra Banks, the Page 73 Girl, and of course [look to that little list of links along the right side there and you surely won't be surprised] Stacy Keibler (not necessarily in that order). And, I'm sure, a whole slew of others I'm forgetting.

So as you can clearly see, I take the news very seriously.

UPDATE: Addition #1: Nelly Furtado.

UPDATE: Addition #2: Screw the link—let's get to business. Alyssa Milano is way hot—and pretty smart too, apparently. Her support for net neutrality is admirable because my guess is that with Congress' decision to go ahead and essentially privatize the Internet and not enough vocal opposition to such a profane concept—it's good to know somebody (again, hot too) is paying attention.

On second thought ...

About a year ago, I had the privelege of dropping in on a guest speaker in the Freelance Applications class at Columbia. The gentleman, Charlie Crain, discussed covering the scene in Iraq and how he boldly went out there without really having anything lined up. He also kept a blog of his experience, and I remember thinking to myself, "No fucking way I could do that."

And now after seeing Miss Lara Logan's recent appearance on CNN, well ... I'm willing to reconsider.

I mean, I really resent the fact that people say that we're not
reflecting the true picture here. That's totally unfair and it's really
unfounded.

Be still my heart.

Just A Thought ...

Remember the barrage of "We Will Never Forget" merchandise that became available after 9/11? Was nobody marketing-savvy enough to exploit the Katrina aftermath too?

It appears that the good folks at TPM have at least dedicated a new space in the Cafe to making sure that New Orleans isn't just forgotten.

Being On The Air

Poor Dave Linehan. The St. Louis radio host lost his job after talking about Condoleezza Rice ... and wanting to talk about a "coup" ... and instead saying, well, something I'm sure he didn't mean.

If it cheers Dave up, at least he immediately apologized—unlike what happened on ESPN a little more than a week ago.

Broadcast is so not for me.

Just What I Needed

Ah, good ol' Pat Robertson. Whenever I need a shot of right-wing lunacy to make me wince, and then blurt out in laughter, he'll always be there.

That's not to forget the honest efforts of one Mary Laney, whose typically FOX-ified view of the world inspired her to pen a column discussing the horrors some of her acquaintances are experiencing with those evil liberal professors on college campuses. Not surprisingly, some people called her out:

In regard to Mary Laney's alarm bell ringing at the thought of yet more
high school graduates being subjected to their liberal university professors'
tyranny [''Parents are right to fear kids' liberal profs,'' column, March 6]:
Ever wonder why the more educated people are, the more liberal they are? Think
there might be a correlation?

By the way, I haven't noticed the liberal, latte-sipping dictatorship
rubbing off on our country's choice of leaders, so she should keep her sobbing
to herself.

Irina Hynes,

Wheaton

Or, better yet:

Mary Laney's friends who are worried about their college-bound children
falling into the intellectual clutches of evil left-wing professors [''Parents
are right to fear kids' liberal profs,'' column, March 6] can't be very
confident about their own child-rearing skills. They do, after all, have 18 or
19 years to spend indoctrinating the little darlings in their own political
views before sending them off for higher learning.

Thomas W. Evans,

Mundelein

But again, back to Pat. Discussing the same subject with equally nutty David Horowitz (who, in the past, has offered such insights as there being "50,000 professors" who "identify with the terrorists" or that liberals "do have a big problem with decent, law-abiding American Christians") on the 700 Club, Robertson compared liberal professors to "termites" and apparently concluded some of them are "killers." So, the message is to "be on alert" for these demons brainwashing your children. Dear God, indeed.

No wonder Hugo Chavez laughs this guy off.

"Crash"-ing the Party

I'll admit to still being a little surprised when Crash was announced as Best Picture a couple of weeks ago. But the ensuing outrage was even more astonishing.

It was admittedly pretty cheap on the Academy's part to not only dedicate an enormous amount of time to the usual self-congratulatory montages, but to pass their annual ceremony off as selecting films that pave the progressive path for society. The entire evening could have been called a night to honor Brokeback if there wasn't that little unusual twist at the end. Not having seen the other nominees, I'm not going to scream about robbery here, but the reaction following Oscar night has been pretty fascinating.

Kenneth Turan wrote one of the earliest (and, perhaps, harshest) criticisms of the Academy, and fans of the Ang Lee film even advertised their second opinion in Variety. Ebert and Roeper—who both picked Crash to win—came to the Paul Haggis film's defense; Ebert attacking Turan and Roeper attacking just about everybody else.

And then, of course, there was the reaction of Brokeback author Annie Proulx—my favorite part of her nearly 1,100-word rant being the "conservative heffalump academy voters" comment.

What's truly astonishing, though, is that these kinds of decisions at the Oscars are absolutely nothing new. For one reason or another—but mostly, I suspect, because Brokeback is dealing with homosexuality—some people are more outraged than I (or Roeper, apparently) can recall. Wasn't this the same Academy whose conservative tastes favored, say, Forrest Gump over Pulp Fiction? The English Patient over Fargo?

My recollection of the telecast will be this: Jon Stewart was good enough, the food and wine were teriffic, and there were too many goddamn montages. There's always next year, I suppose.

This can't be right—can it?

Published in time, this time, as the clock winds down to the 78th Annual Academy Awards. My stabs, in descending order of confidence:

1. BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Brokeback Mountain
2. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
3. BEST DIRECTOR: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
4. BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: King Kong
5. BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
6. BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Crash
7. BEST FILM EDITING: Crash
8. BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: March of the Penguins
9. BEST PICTURE: Brokeback Mountain
10. BEST MAKEUP: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
11. BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Brokeback Mountain
12. BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Memoirs of a Geisha
13. BEST SOUND EDITING: King Kong
14. BEST SOUND MIXING: King Kong
15. BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
16. BEST ART DIRECTION: Memoirs of a Geisha
17. BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT: God Sleeps in Rwanda
18. BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
19. BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: Memoirs of a Geisha
20. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Tsotsi
21. BEST ORIGINAL SONG: "Travelin' Thru," Transamerica
22. BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Matt Dillon, Crash
23. BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM: Six Shooter
24. BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM: 9

So, I've got Brokeback winning the most with four, followed by King Kong and Crash winning three each. Hmmm ...

UPDATE: I should have known it was a bad sign when I saw this in the Tribune that Sunday morning. Either way, 17 out of 24 was good enough to win the "pools," but hardly anything worth bragging about. More belated post-Oscar reaction above.