Week Two Power Rankings: Joke's on me, I suppose

"So the numbers this week are good for a laugh but not much more beyond that."

Remember when I said that after making my picks this past weekend? Well, when my little formula for the Power Rankings said the Bears and Chiefs would end up at 2-0 after this past weekend and those should be the two biggest bets, it seemed absolutely fucking insane. But insane was actually me, still getting back into the swing of things (obviously), failing to pick a single upset in a week that had no shortage of them (of course). The result is that my picks were good only for 88 points, even less than I scored in Week One. I suppose the homer in me should be happy that the Bears went into Jerry's house and took a little more air out of those inflated expectations of Big D playing in a Super Bowl that city will be hosting, so things certainly could have been worse.

It's not like I finished in last, I guess.

Amazingly enough, I still managed to finish in eight place (out of 20) in the PoolHost pool for the week:

And luckily, last week's top scorer really dogged it this week even worse than I, so my deficit in the overall race is a very doable 21 points—seeing as we still have, oh, 15 weeks left:

Over in the Yahoo confidence pool, the narrow win from the Saints on Monday night helped me avoid finishing last out of the eight participants there:

And I slipped from second on the year to fourth as a result of my lackluster showing—but I trail by only 16 points:

My 9-7 mark was a game worse than the previous week's performance, but wedged me right in with the middle of the pack of experts. Yahoo's Jason Cole was the best of the bunch at 12-4, while bro-in-law and ESPN's Chris Mortensen were right behind at 11-5. Mike Golic, Merrill Hoge, Mark Schlereth, Michael Silver, and CBS Sports' Pete Prisco all had the same 9-7 mark I did, while Ron Jaworski also picked nine games correctly, but only missed six since he's a pud and doesn't pick the Monday game. Adam Schefter, Eric Allen, and Les Carpenter all got as many wrong as they did right in going 8-8, while Seth Wickersham sits alone in the cellar for Week Two with a truly piss-poor 6-10 showing.

For the year so far (with the number in parentheses denoting where so-and-so ranked last week):

1. (1) Jason Cole, Yahoo: 23-9 (.719)
2. (1) Mark Schlereth, ESPN: 20-12 (.625)
3. (4) Ron Jaworski, ESPN: 18-11 (.621)
4. (1) Les Carpenter, Yahoo: 19-13 (.594)
4. (5) Merril Hoge, ESPN: 19-13 (.594)
4. (10) Chris Mortensen, ESPN: 19-13 (.594)
4. (10) LEV, crazy colored glasses: 19-13 (.594)
4. (5) YOURS TRULY: 19-13 (.594)
9. (8) Pete Prisco, CBS Sports: 18-14 (.563)
10. (8) Adam Schefter, ESPN: 17-15 (.531)
10. (10) Michael Silver, Yahoo: 17-15 (.531)
12. (13) Mike Golic, ESPN: 16-16 (.500)

12. (5) Seth Wickersham, ESPN: 16-16 (.500)
14. (13) Eric Allen, ESPN: 15-17 (.469)

And now that there's been more than just one game played, the Power Rankings have been shuffled around a bit. My sloppy attempt to mess with a pic that's screaming to be fucked with is obviously in honor of the Cowboys securing the basement this week. I wish I'd had more time to fine-tune it, but I'll leave that to someone else. Until then, here's the helmets (maybe comments will return next week?):

1. (3) DETROIT LIONS

• Last week: Lost to Philadelphia, 35-32 (+12)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: +26
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +26

2. (11) BUFFALO BILLS

• Last week: Lost to Green Bay, 34-7 (+16)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: +25
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +25
  

3. (7) NEW YORK GIANTS

• Last week: Lost to Indianapolis, 38-14 (+10)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: +12
• Points scored for me with losses: +10
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +22
  

3. (5) ARIZONA CARDINALS

• Last week: Lost to Atlanta, 41-7 (+9)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
• Points scored for me with wins: +13
• Points scored for me with losses: +9
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +22

5. (1) OAKLAND RAIDERS

• Last week: Beat St. Louis, 16-14 (+6)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: +6
• Points scored for me with losses: +15
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +21

5. (15) GREEN BAY PACKERS

• Last week: Beat Buffalo, 34-7 (+16)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
• Points scored for me with wins: +21
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +21
  

7. (13) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

• Last week: Beat San Francisco, 25-22 (+13)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: +20
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +20
  

8. (5) ST. LOUIS RAMS

• Last week: Lost to Oakland, 16-14 (+6)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: +19
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +19

9. (15) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

• Last week: Beat Detroit, 35-32 (+12)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
• Points scored for me with wins: +12
  
• Points scored for me with losses: +5
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +17

10. (19) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

• Last week: Lost to San Diego, 38-13 (+15)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
• Points scored for me with wins: +1
  
• Points scored for me with losses: +15
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +16
  

11. (9) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

• Last week: Lost to New York Jets, 38-24 (-3)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: +11
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: -3
• Plus/Minus: +8

11. (1) TENNESSEE TITANS

• Last week: Lost to Pittsburgh, 19-11 (-7)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: +15
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: -7
• Plus/Minus: +8

13. (21) ATLANTA FALCONS

• Last week: Beat Arizona, 41-7 (+9)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: +9
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: -2
• Plus/Minus: +7

13. (9) CINCINNATI BENGALS

• Last week: Beat Baltimore, 15-10 (-4)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
  
• Points scored for me with losses: +11
• Points taken from me with wins: -4
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +7
  

15. (27) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

• Last week: Lost to Seattle, 31-6 (+13)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
  
• Points scored for me with losses: +13
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: -8
  
• Plus/Minus: +5
  

16. (25) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

• Last week: Beat New York Giants, 38-14 (+10)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: +10
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: -6
  
• Plus/Minus: +4
  

16. (7) CAROLINA PANTHERS

• Last week: Lost to Tampa Bay, 20-7 (-8)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
  
• Points scored for me with losses: +12
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: -8
  
• Plus/Minus: +4

18. (3) CHICAGO BEARS

• Last week: Beat Dallas, 27-20 (-11)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: +14
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: -11
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +3

18. (19) DENVER BRONCOS

• Last week: Beat Seattle, 31-14 (+2)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-0
• Points scored for me with wins: +2
• Points scored for me with losses: +1
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +3

20. (17) NEW YORK JETS

• Last week: Beat New England, 28-14 (-3)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
  
• Points scored for me with losses: +3
  
• Points taken from me with wins:-3
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: EVEN
  

21. (17) BALTIMORE RAVENS

• Last week: Lost to Cincinnati, 15-10 (-4)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: +3
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: -4
• Plus/Minus: -1

21. (31) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

• Last week: Beat Jacksonville, 38-13 (+15)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: +15
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: -16
• Plus/Minus: -1
  

21. (25) HOUSTON TEXANS

• Last week: Beat Washington, 30-27 [OT] (+5)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: +5
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: -6
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: -1
  

24. (23) CLEVELAND BROWNS

• Last week: Lost to Kansas City, 16-14 (-1)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 0-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: -5
• Plus/Minus: -5

24. (29) WASHINGTON REDSKINS

• Last week: Lost to Houston, 30-27 [OT] (+5)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: +5
  
• Points taken from me with wins: -10
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: -5

24. (11) MIAMI DOLPHINS

• Last week: Beat Minnesota, 14-10 (-14)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: +9
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: -14
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: -5
  

27. (27) SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

• Last week: Lost to Denver, 31-14 (-2)
  
• Actual Record: 1-1
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: +2
• Points taken from me with wins: -8
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: -6

28. (13) MINNESOTA VIKINGS

• Last week: Lost to Miami, 14-10 (-14)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 1-1
• My record at predicting their record: 1-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: +7
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: -14
• Plus/Minus: -7
  

29. (21) PITTSBURGH STEELERS

• Last week: Beat Tennessee, 19-11 (-7)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
  
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 0-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: -9
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: -9

30. (23) TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

• Last week: Beat Carolina, 20-7 (-8)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 0-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: -12
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: -12
  

31. (31) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

• Last week: Beat Cleveland, 16-14 (-1)
  
• Actual Record: 2-0
• My predicted record: 0-2
• My record at predicting their record: 0-2
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: -17
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: -17

32. (29) DALLAS COWBOYS

• Last week: Lost to Chicago, 27-20 (-11)
  
• Actual Record: 0-2
• My predicted record: 2-0
• My record at predicting their record: 0-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: -21
  
• Plus/Minus: -21

I broke into the win column for four spots on the sheet last week, but also had losses in four spots for the first time this season. There's still two spots I'm winless through the first two weeks:

16-point games: 1-1
15-point games: 2-0
14-point games: 1-1
13-point games: 2-0
12-point games: 2-0
11-point games: 1-1
10-point games: 1-1
9-point games: 2-0
8-point games: 0-2
7-point games: 1-1
6-point games: 1-1
5-point games: 2-0
4-point games: 0-2
3-point games: 1-1
2-point games: 1-1
1-point games: 1-1