"Hey, you! Yeah, the one that made these shoes!"

What do you call these? Fuck yeah I'm talking about my work shoes! What else would I be pointing at?!

Don't stare blankly at me! What gives here?

I mean, you've been making the same shoes for me for how many years now? And we've always had a pretty cool agreement, don't you think?

You think?!

I mean, what, twenty bucks every nine months or so? Does that sound about right?

Nod your head yes, please.

Please.

OK, forget it.

Look, I don't ask for much, but me having to actually put some of my own time into, um, "maintaining" these shit-kickers is kinda' fucking ridiculous, don't you think? And I mean, normally, I'd just throw the bitches out and buy a new pair.

But I've only had these latest models for, what, three months? Four?

Hold up some fingers or something. Jesus, give me a sign.

I hate to tell you this, but I think the quality of your work is really on the decline. I mean, the whole thing started right here, inside the shoe. Yeah, you see what's in there now? Those are from some dude named Dr. Scholls, I think. Maybe it was the generic brand. I don't know—but that's not the point here.

The point is that I never would have bought those "foot support" things had the inside of my goddamn shoe not been coming out of it on its own!

Yeah, cover your nose. I know they smell like shit. Know why? That's because the bottoms of these shoes already have gigantic, gaping holes in them! Do you know what that's like? To be trying to grab four kiwi lemonades for some group of obese wannabe prostitutes while your feet are submerged in dirty water!

No, it's not fun.

I don't want new ones. I just want to ride these babies out. But I'm disappointed that it had to end like this. You and I, I mean. Unless you make the fancy stuff. 'Cause that's what I'm intending to buy next. We've had a good run, though. Me, you, these corporate-enforced "slip-resistant" shoes that fail to resist slips because I'm just another klutzy stoner not really interested in making a fashion statement (unless I'm wearing this, but that's different, of course).

Still, just let me slip these back on, show myself out, and maybe I'll find a path where my feet don't have to get wet.