Week Five Power Rankings: Fugly as sin

It only seems fitting that the fine folks over at GIF-A-Day had this one running as their most recent post, since it pretty much represents how this past weekend's NFL picks ended up being. This must be what they're talking about with that whole "parity" thing in the National Football League.

My picks last weekend were worth an embarrassingly pitiful 47 points, which might be a total that represents an all-time low in my three years of tracking this confidence pool business. I'd be angrier about the whole thing if I were alone in the piss-poor performance, but as you'll see in looking over how others fared with prognosticating last weekend, upsets reigned for Week Five.

Perhaps the only comfort I can take is that I did not, somehow, end up finishing in last place.

Things I made while offline: The letter D

Because this blog will be dominated by football-related content for the next five months, your author has decided to make an effort to regularly post pictures his lovely and talented sister took of some of his artwork. These posts will include a brief thought or two about when the piece was made. 

This week: An ink design with different fonts of the letter D

Week Five Picks: Sans any penis shots

This face from Mike Martz probably best exemplifies my own reaction when the recent Brett Favre photos were published—although it could just easily been my reaction to everything relating to that prima donna over the past three or four years of on-again/off-again retirement too. I'm reluctant to republish the now infamous dong shot here or even over at the Tumblr (although linking to Photoshop fun had with it is different, obviously)—and not just because this week's post is being typed up from the public library, thanks to a lack of home internet connection until Tuesday.

As though the return of Randy Moss to the Vikes didn't make Monday night's contest compelling enough, now we'll get to enjoy the many ways in which ESPN is certain to make their broadcasters avoid touching that subject. Of course, my own head's still spinning from last night's thrill in a different sport. While the fancy little helmet graphics for this week's table will have to wait until I'm back on my own computer, here's what else is happening in the NFL this weekend outside of the world of some grandfather's genitalia:

The Bears' First Quarter: Better than expected

I debated whether or not I should really do quarterly updates for the Bears, seeing as the football team plays the least number of games of any of my Four Bs. It's not entirely unrealistic that in a 16-game season, the Monsters of the Midway could go a four-game span where a win or loss might not be applicable. Still, I figured if I take the time for the other three teams, the Bears should get their special little graphic too.

And for a while there, it certainly appeared like this first quarter of the 2010 season would be quite a glorious little update. In the midst of a winless preseason, I'd said that there was a very real possibility the Bears could finish last in the NFC North. Instead, the team came out and won its first three games—two of which defied many expert's predictions. And while all three of those wins could have just as easily been losses, you have to give the team credit in the sense that they're winning close games—sometimes against teams not playing their best—rather than losing these games that they could have won.

Of course, that last game for this first quarter of the season was a little discouraging, and the team's getting ready to trot out backup QBs to begin the next quarter of the season. Still, as a fan, it's hard to complain about what the Bears did to start their 2010 campaign: 

The Braves' Fourth Quarter: Staying Alive

Well, one last division title may have eluded Bobby Cox, but the good part has to be that indeed the Braves will be headed back into the postseason for one final shot at another World Series win. And when you consider the loss not only of Chipper Jones, but the additional injury suffered by Martin Prado—not to mention nagging setbacks suffered on the pitching staff, most notably to Jair Jurrjens—Atlanta certainly lived up to that "suspense" part of the title I had used last quarter.

It wasn't until that very last day of the season that the Braves managed to squeak into the playoffs via a Wild Card berth. Sure, it's a little disappointing to watch the East slip away after holding on to the lead for so much of the season, but still playing baseball in October—whatever title it is that got you there—is a helluva lot better than not qualifying at all. And while the depleted roster and a hot second-half opponent has pretty much made most experts think San Francisco's going to walk right into the NLCS, I do like the two points Gondee made over at Talking Chop: The Giants have lost to a Wild Card team each of the last four times they've qualified for the postseason, and three of those four teams went on to win the World Series. So I'll take any reason for optimism I can find:

2010-11 NHL Predictions: Where's the love?

Wow, well wasn't that a way to start the baseball postseason yesterday? I mean, I know the Braves don't play until tonight and—oh, what's that? The puck drops tonight too?

Indeed, it sure does. But we've still got a few days before the U.C. opens its doors and there's a little redecorating to be done. And speaking of redecorating, that could apply to this year's Blackhawks roster, which is wildly different from last year's. For those of us who have been following the team for a while now, such moves were imminent. But this being Chicago and all, a lot of the late arrivals to the bandwagon are still failing to understand why so many players had to be shipped elsewhere. I've already had two such friends say "they never really got into the hockey thing anyway." And if you look around at some of the other predictions for this season elsewhere on the internet (ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Yahoo, CBS Sports, and Puck Daddy's East & West picks), nobody likes Chicago's chances for a repeat. Of course, why should they? No team's successfully defended the Cup since the Red Wings did it back when a different Democrat was president.

So will my obvious bias send me out on a limb to support my hometown team?

Division Series Predictions: Allow me some wishful thinking

I guess I did technically improve my regular-season prognosticating for Major League Baseball this past season, getting 10 of the 30 teams' final places in the standings correct. And while half of the eight teams about to play in the post-season are indeed clubs I had said would be there, only one is going in as the division winner I thought they'd be. I guess it was a down year for a lot of people though.

So I'm quite inclined to support Thomas Boswell's belief that making predictions about MLB's playoffs is "folly." And considering that my beloved Braves are limping into this postseason without Chipper Jones, Martin Prado, and probably not Jair Jurrjens either, hardly an expert out there is picking Atlanta to do much of anything in these October games.

But predictions are, of course, something of the norm here on BMC, and with the first pitch of the postseason only a few hours away, it's time to add some more wrongheaded logic to what I've already displayed so far this baseball season. (And just so I won't feel alone, we'll include a couple "experts" too.)

Week Four Power Rankings: Staying true to my word

With my favorite baseball team having just clinched their first post-season berth in half a decade and my favorite football team playing that night on national television, there I was wearing that Browns sweatshirt you see there to the left. Why? Well, because that's what I promised I'd do if Cleveland delivered in my one real upset in my picks last weekend.

And while that did indeed happen, it's hard to boast too much about that call since two of those other three upsets I said I was debating picking (Washington and St. Louis) but chickened out of going with happened as well. I guess the bright side would be that Houston didn't fail me, and that was the possible upset I had placed the most points on.

Still, the end result was a pretty pathetic 68 points for the week. And really, I don't think wearing any Bears apparel would've helped my Chicago team anyway with the way their offensive line was watching Giants run right by them and force the Bears to bring in their third-string QB.

But hey, maybe the trauma inflicted this past weekend on Jay Cutler's brain will give me a new item to wear in coming weeks, no?

Things I made while offline: Waylon Mercy

Because this blog will be dominated by football-related content for the next five months, your author has decided to make an effort to regularly post pictures his lovely and talented sister took of some of his artwork. These posts will include a brief thought or two about when the piece was made. 

This week: An ink & color pencil sketch of the professional wrestler Waylon Mercy

Week Four Picks: Keeping with the fashion intangible

Seeing as how well things worked out for me with last week's picks, I'm trying to incorporate a lot of that logic into my predictions for Week Four. And there's no shortage of games for me this week where I can be oh-so-tempted to pick upsets.

Of course, I have no special jersey belief to center this week's post around, so instead it seems like a good week to once again refer to this Cleveland Browns sweatshirt that always pops up every year since that one memorable weekend I overpaid for the item.

And that said, I should point out that I'll of course be at work when the Battle of Ohio is occurring—and then presumably watching the Bears play later that evening. So will I really be busting out this piece of personal nostalgia this weekend?

I'll make my pledge here that indeed I will wear this fine piece of NFL apparel out to wherever it is I watch Sunday evening's contest if—and only if—the Browns emerge victorious over their rival Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday. I know, I know ... that's far from being as committed as I sounded last week to my belief about the Dolphins, but I didn't say anything about wearing that Ricky Williams jersey to support that team either.

Of course, the Fins lost last weekend too—but the important part was that I won the PoolHost confidence pool, so let's keep our priorities straight here.