2017 World Series Prediction: Hoping For the Best, Preparing to be Miserable

And so here we are. After what seems like multiple years of picking the Dodgers to either get to or flat-out win the World Series in the spring, that awful fucking team has finally made it. Congrats to them. And while I sit here living in the Houston area and hoping to see so many down-on-their-luck residents here find a little joy in the city's first World Series title, I know full well that I should probably expect the Dodgers to win this series in, oh, six games.

I will root like hell for the opposite. I believe I'm 4-4 on postseason picks thus far, and I truly hope I finish under .500 this year.

2017 League Championship Series Predictions: Anybody But L.A.

I wish that I had some reason to explain why I so passionately dislike the Los Angeles Dodgers, but there is no single isolated event that I can recall that led me to feel this way. The Dodgers easily swept away Arizona last round and appear to be living up to the hype thus far in the playoffs. I picked Los Angeles last year in the NLCS under the assumption that some unfortunate series of events would befall Chicago (I guess the Nationals have now taken over the seeming postseason curse).

I'm going to predict the World Series that I'm actually rooting to see, which is the Houston Astros playing the Chicago Cubs. I'm preparing for disappointment though.

2017 Division Series Predictions: Still Catching Up

Oh shit. I forgot to do this. I'm losing it, man. This site just isn't the first thing on my mind anymore. Hell, I forgot about the first pitch being thrown out. I didn't even make a graphic. Fuck.

Oh well. Let's just get right to it, in descending order of confidence here: Cleveland beats the Yankees in four, the Cubs beat the Nationals in four, the Diamondbacks beat the Dodgers in four, and I'm actually picking the Astros (already up 2-0 in Game 1, for the record) to beat the Red Sox in five games—even though I originally planned on picking Boston, but changed my mind this morning when thinking about how the whole #BostonStrong thing seemed to work out pretty well for a talented Red Sox squad a few years ago, so #HoustonStrong seems easy to buy into as well.

This will be fancier next round. Promise.

2017 Wild Card Playoff Predictions: So What, Who Cares

Let us be perfectly honest here. This blog is more than 10 years old, and the posts are all almost exclusively predictions for playoffs involving one of the four major sports. While I might have shared my personal experiences and love stories at one time or another, I don't much feel compelled to to do the same anymore—partly because I now write for a living and don't particularly feel all that compelled to do more typing once I'm done with work and partly because I'm getting divorced. Did I mention that already? No? Well, I'm getting divorced. Who knows when. As usual, it's not all that important and I'll probably be fighting the urge to write yet another love letter to whichever girl I begin sleeping with next. My assumption was that would not occur for another few years, but boy, the early adventures while getting re-acclimated to this being single again have certainly been encouraging.

What's that? Oh, yes. This post is supposed to be a blog about the first round of the upcoming MLB Playoffs. I'll spare you bogus commentary or faux insight, and I'll probably abandon pre-season predictions altogether (NHL and NBA seasons beginning soon, so sorry to those two sports for being my sacrificial lambs). Anyway, here's the hats of my predicted winners (presented, as always, in descending order of confidence):

2017 NFL Predictions: The Outlier

In case you didn't read it elsewhere, the New England Patriots—whom you might recall I correctly predicted to win the Super Bowl last year—are being picked by essentially everybody to repeat as champions. So they would seem to be the obvious choice to go with this year for me. But fuck that. We gotta have some kind of surprise.

I think the Patriots will win the AFC East yet again, with your other division winners being the Steelers, Titans, Chiefs, Cowboys, Packers, Buccaneers, and Seahawks. Your wild card teams will be, oh, let us go with the Raiders, Chargers, Giants, and Panthers. I'll go with New England going 16-0 in the regular season and beating the Steelers yet again in the AFC Championship before going on to lose yet another Super Bowl to the New York Giants, who will once again beat the Packers in another NFC Championship.

Sure, it's probably unlikely, but we need to end this Boston championship madness.

NBA Finals Prediction: Third Time's a Charm (for Some)

So here are again. Just as basically everyone expected, Cleveland and Golden State. Hoo boy, haven't these NBA Playoffs been exciting? No, they haven't? Of course they haven't. Two months delaying the inevitable is fucking boring. Sue me.

Depending on what your school of though is, you're either really looking forward to these Finals, or you gave up caring a while ago. Last year's Game 7 remains one of the greatest I've ever seen, but I simply do not see how we're going to get any kind of repeat of that.

Yes, LeBron is gonna LeBron. Still, he's only one guy. The Warriors have multiple stars. You're basically picking a team based on one man or the other based on its seeming army of weapons. I know what I'm anticipating.

NHL Stanley Cup Final Prediction: Never Mind What I Previously Said (Or Not?)

"Hey, where's that usual stupid graphic you do for these posts, D. Rock?" Well, funny you bring that up, because apparently when you buy Microsoft Office for your new laptop, it's only for a limited time and then you have to buy some new plan or something that allows you be raped once a year or assaulted to a lesser degree every month. Neat! UPDATE: Fixed, obviously.

Anyway, the graphic will have to wait until tomorrow morning when I'm at my work computer where my employer doesn't deal with bullshit like this. I'll probably regret the P.K. Subban picture I chose once again, having dismissed its poor quality initially as a non-issue, because, c'mon, the Predators will be gone in the first round.

Instead, Nashville sits here four wins away from its first Stanley Cup. That is something I believe I both predicted and said I would openly root for to happen this year after the Blackhawks got ousted. Only one little problem with that now though: The last hurdle to get over is the defending champion.

Many of us dismissed the likelihood of a Penguins repeat because the prospect of running the gauntlet again simply seemed all so unlikely, what with having to play two 100+ point teams in the first two rounds an all. But Pittsburgh hasn't shown any signs of slowdown this postseason, even with the loss of Kris Letang. So I'm having second thoughts here.

Oh, I nailed my picks last round, bringing me to 10-4 this playoff season now with three series predicted in the exact number of games.

NBA Playoff Conference Finals Predictions: Definitely Maybe

And at long last, we have finally arrived at the final stage before the NBA Finals in which we will be told that one of four matchups will be possible. In truth, we all know we're probably going to get the same Finals we got last year.

Forgive my cynicism, but we'll be lucky if one of these series proves to be competitive. You might notice that there's still five players in color in the graphic here, because the final game of the second round will tip (I believe) after the first game of this third round. NBA Playoffs always gotta be messing with my predictions schedule.

Anyway, I went 2-1 so far in the last round, bringing me to ... 9-2? Seriously, just get us to the Finals. Then you'll have my attention, NBA. Until then, I can't think of a moment in these playoffs that really stands out as something I couldn't have missed.

NHL Stanley Cup Playoff Conference Finals Predictions: Marketing Nightmares

Got three of the four series right last round, although the only one I got the length right for was the one I got the winner wrong. So that brings me to a record of 8-4 so far this postseason and ensures a better than .500 record regardless of how my final three picks turn out. If you care.

What we're left with now must be giving the execs in the NHL some cold sweats. TV numbers are likely to be down with a Cup Final featuring possibly a Canadian team or a small-market American team with little to no national following (well, maybe Pittsburgh gooses the numbers). This isn't to say there isn't the potential for some compelling hockey.

I'm not going to wait to read previews about either of these next two series. I've got my mind made up as to who will be playing for the right to hoist Lord Stanley, although I can fully admit that I won't be the least bit surprised if I'm wrong on both of this round's predictions. Unlike the inevitable predictability of the NBA Playoffs, the hockey playoffs this year have seen some astonishing upsets that have defied a lot of conventional logic. My beloved Blackhawks are obviously the prime example here, but the continuing success of the Ottawa Senators remains truly remarkable.

Round Two NBA Playoff Predictions: Mildly Interesting

I got seven of my eight first round predictions right, but only one in the correct number of games. While I've heard that this year's playoffs have been pretty good, I admit that I personally have been more attached to playoff hockey games and have only as a result watched a select few NBA games. For the most part, the first part confirmed my belief that such a round was more of a formality for most teams.

This round offers four series that all have interesting aspects, but I would say I'm only really going to be compelled to actively seek out and set aside time for the Texas series. The other three don't instill much hope from me, either because the outcome seems so obvious or I'm just not that into either of the teams.

Anyway, I don't even feel much of any kind of rooting interest right now, so I assume that I'll be just pulling for underdogs the rest of the way to subvert the seemingly automatic Golden State title. At this point, every basketball game just sort of delays the inevitable.

Round Two NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Predictions: Sid, Ovi, and Everybody Else

I know well enough that crazy things happen in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, but the last round came as a bit of a surprise to even myself. Sure, I got five of the eight series outcomes correct, but two of the three incorrect predictions were also designated as my second- and third-most confident picks. So, you know, oops.

Now that my Stanley Cup Bracket contest entry is trash (so much for a Blackhawks-Bruins Cup Final rematch), I guess that leaves me without much of a rooting interest. I imagine that the inevitable Pittsburgh-Washington series is deservingly going to get a majority of the attention this round, but I'm not entirely sold on the idea that the winner of that one ends up hoisting Lord Stanley.

I'd say that I would probably be fine any on of three remaining teams winning it all, although I'll probably grumble or be disinterested if one of the other five ends up becoming champions. So who am I rooting for, you ask?

Well, let's get to my picks and see if you can figure it out.

Round One NBA Playoff Predictions: No Surprises

It's become fairly standard practice around these parts for me to kind of dismiss the first round of two of the NBA Playoffs since most every series seems to have a rather one-sided outcome, although I'm sure I'll probably mention multiple times this year how much I enjoyed last year's Game 7 of the NBA Finals (seriously, like best-ever type stuff for any sport). I guess this year's festivities are kicking off this weekend, so I'm cranking out my throwaway picks for the first round here with not a single upset.

A couple years ago, I got all eight of the first round series correct, but you have to seemingly try really hard to pick most basketball playoff series incorrectly. I guess there's some theoretical potential for my preseason Warriors-Cavs rematch to come undone, but let's just say I'm not completely sold on any of the possible alternatives. The Celtics as a top seed in the East seem to be a team that's going to have more success in the regular season than the playoffs, and the Spurs are always formidable contenders in the West although it's just hard to see how even San Antonio can stop a Golden State team that's going to have Kevin Durant again.

Yes, hockey will still take priority for this viewer on any given night, but here's how I'm guessing the first round is going to shake out. Just to make things different, I'm going to use some old school logos.

Round One NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Predictions: So Much Hope

Well, it looks as though my shortened thoughts on the NHL at the beginning of the year got most of the obvious playoff teams right, but my predicted Stanley Cup winner was unable to even qualify for the the postseason. The upside, of course, is that my beloved Chicago Blackhawks finished with the best record in the Western Conference and are the presumptive favorites to win it all. What could possibly go wrong?

Looking over the matchups we did get this postseason, it seems like people might want to prepare for the possibility of coaches meeting their former teams in the playoffs this year. The first round opens with Todd McLellan and the young Oilers of Edmonton facing McLellan's previous team, the defending conference champion San Jose Sharks. The next round could see Claude Julien and the Montréal Canadiens meeting the team that fired Julien mid-season, the Boston Bruins. Wouldn't it be odd if Bruce Boudreau and the Minnesota Wild met his prior club, the Anaheim Ducks, in the Western Conference Finals? And maybe even Barry Trotz can finally carry the Washington Capitals all the way to the Stanley Cup Final to play against ... Nashville?

OK, last one (or two) are probably bullshit, but those are the ones that emerged for me. Hopefully I develop more compelling insights next round.

2017 MLB Predictions: Oh, Right

Oh, right. Today's Opening Day. You know, baseball predictions. Remember how I used to lay out the little hats and everything when making these annual predictions? Yeah, well I don't feel compelled to do that again (yet).

Instead, seeing as I'm never right when it comes to Major League Baseball, I'll just pick the teams I'll be actively rooting against all year long to play in this year's World Series with the Boston Red Sox beating the Los Angeles Dodgers. Both teams will win their respective divisions, with the other division winners being the Chicago Cubs, Washington Nationals, Cleveland Indians, and Houston Astros. The Wild Card teams will be the Toronto Blue Jays, Seattle Mariners, San Francisco Giants, and ... oh, let's say the Miami Marlins.

Fear not, hockey and basketball playoff predictions (with fun graphics!) are not far away.

Super Bowl LI Pick: Guns Blazin'

Alas, it appears my pre-season prediction of a Patriots-Packers Super Bowl, while close, was not meant to be. Got one of two right last weekend, bringing me to 6-4 for the playoffs and making this final prediction relatively meaningless. I mean, if you don't count the fact that I picked the Patriots to win it all at the beginning of the year. Again.

The past year in the sporting world has seem some unlikely and historically long-suffering franchises finally win championships. So if you're buying into whatever worked for the Cleveland Cavaliers and Chicago Cubs working here, then the Atlanta Falcons are about to win their first title. That's certainly what I'm rooting for. Do I think that's what will actually happen though?

I've always had some kind of unexplained soft spot for pro sports teams in Atlanta. For the most part, it's just the Braves thanks to my childhood admiration of Hank Aaron and Dale Murphy. But I always rooted for the Falcons when they weren't playing the Bears and I remember doing the "Dirty Bird" with friends when the team last got to the Super Bowl what feels like just a few years ago but was actually nearly two decades.

We've been treated to what, one competitive game in these playoffs? The NFL is overdue for a barn-burner. Let's hope this season ends on a high note. 

Conference Championship Picks: So Close

Got three of my four picks last weekend right, bringing my playoff prediction record to 5-3. Perhaps more amazingly to me, it also makes me look smart in the sense that three of the four teams I had in this round of conference championships back when I made my predictions for the season in September actually got this far. The only question now, of course, is whether I stick to my guns.

At this point, I really don't see any reason not to. In all honesty, this season is pretty much at risk of playing out exactly as I expected (and feared, to some degree). Of course, we saw unlikely underdog comebacks (Cleveland Cavaliers) and historic curses being broken (Chicago Cubs) in 2016, so there's still some small hope that maybe we'll get a couple more surprises.

It's not completely unrealistic, but the NFL has to be salivating at the prospect of two weeks of buildup to a Brady-Rodgers meeting in Super Bowl LI. That's not to say these outcomes will be rigged, as I'm guessing we'll get at least one (hopefully) two close games this weekend. If nothing else, there should be a whole lot of scoring. Still, there's almost a sense that a New England-Green Bay rematch is preordained. 

Continue reading, I guess, if you want to see me try to talk myself out of that conclusion.

Divisional Playoff Picks: Keep Hope Alive

So I got half of my picks last weekend right, and damned if those games didn't live up to the subtitle of my post. Four games and not one offered a compelling finish.

The small upside for this observer is that three of my originally predicted final four teams are still alive as we get ready for the league to indeed reduce the remaining teams to that number. I'm not sure that getting three of the four or both Super Bowl participants or that game's winner is really worth anything since I don't gamble, but it'll at least make me feel somewhat better about my pre-season predictive abilities now that I've cut back on the amount of time I invest in such posts.

Perhaps what baffled me the most about anything last weekend is that the tournament bracket I originally downloaded indeed needed to be adjusted but shouldn't have required as much work. All of the home teams won last weekend. Why wasn't that assumed and why wasn't the default lowest-remaining seed after such outcomes closer to the top seed's bracket? It makes no sense to me.

Anyway, I've got much higher hopes for the competitiveness in this weekend's games.

Wild Card Picks: Hot Garbage

Well, looking back on my shorter predictions for the year, it looks like I got five of the eight division winners right and had seven of the 12 playoff teams correct. Three of my final four and both of my Super Bowl teams are still alive, so there's that. 

Do I stick with that Super Bowl pick though? That's actually a tougher questions. It's still very much a feasible pick, although the path for my predicted NFC winner is going to be far tougher than the one for my predicted AFC winner. And as usual, I'm pretty much hoping I'm wrong because God, the last thing I need is another Patriots title or the possibility of another Packers championship. Dear God, give us fresh blood, NFL.

This weekend's round of games does very little to compel interest here. Aside from the last game of the weekend in Green Bay, most of the other three contests appears to be either forgone conclusions or simply uninteresting matchups.

This season has not exactly provided me with a lot to root for, what with the Bears finishing with the worst record they've ever had since the league expanded to a 16-game schedule. Cowboys fans have reintroduced themselves as being worthy of consideration for most annoying fans in the sport of football, so a Super Bowl against the Patriots would just be filled with two weeks of awful fans.

Even the underdogs I'd be tempted to root for have seen their chances dramatically hampered by injuries or unfortunate luck. Both the Raiders and the Dolphins lost their starting QBs. The Texans remain a mess at that same position. Perhaps there's some hope for the Chiefs and Falcons, but I remain somewhat skeptical that either team is going to suddenly do better than the letdowns we've come to expect both clubs to deliver.

Then again, 2016 gave us a Cubs World Series and an NBA title in Cleveland. So if the pattern holds true, then maybe there is some hope that we're about to be in store for something special. We can only hope.