Week Five Power Rankings

Best week ever?

Well, it's going to be awfully hard to top the fun I had last week, as almost everything came up roses for me—even my fantasy team, for fuck's sake. But since I haven't really offered much in the way of commentary about that endeavor (mostly because fantasy football's not very intriguing for me to talk about, predominantly because my team has sucked so far this year), I won't go on too much about last week's blowout.

Instead I'll just post this screenshot of the result which you can click on to make bigger if you're into that sort of thing:


So there's that, and that was just the icing on the cake because in the confidence pool that clearly gets more of my interest, last week I followed up two straight second-place finishes with a dramatic first-place finish (out of a measly 11 people). I say dramatic because from my perspective, the win was thanks entirely to Miami's Monday Night win and me being the only person to have picked the Dolphins, which forced the game's total points tiebreaker into play. I had guessed 55 while the other fellow who also scored 86 points for the week had 63, so the final score of 31-27 just barely went my way. It was a helluva finish and I'm thrilled to have come out on the winning side of it.

Better still was that my score brought me to 494 points on the year and put me into first place overall (out of 17), eight points ahead of second place, 20 ahead of third and 30 ahead of fourth.

And to top it all off, I went 11-3 with my picks last week, a mark that was the week's best and also scored by Merrill Hoge of the ESPN experts and CBS Sports' Pete Prisco—who had the exact same picks as me, actually.

Elsewhere among the other boys I compare my totals to, ESPN's Chris Mortensen, Mark Schlereth, and Seth Wickersham went 10-4. Maybe Ron Jaworski could have scored that too had he made a pick for Monday, but instead he ended up at 9-4. Adam Schefter went 9-5, while Eric Allen, Mike Golic and all three Yahoo experts (Jason Cole, Charles Robinson, and Michael Silver) went 8-6. And the bro-in-law drops from first last week to worst this week after going 7-7 last week.

Now, on the year (numbers in parentheses indicating where the dude stood in the rankings last week):

1. (1) Chris Mortensen, ESPN: 58-18 (.763)
2. (2) YOURS TRULY: 57-19 (.750)
3. (2) Adam Schefter, ESPN: 55-21 (.724)
4. (6) Ron Jaworski, ESPN: 51-20 (.718)
5. (8) Merril Hoge, ESPN: 54-22 (.711)
6. (2) LEV, crazy colored glasses: 53-23 (.697)
6. (5) Charles Robinson, Yahoo: 53-23 (.697)
6. (8) Mark Schlereth, ESPN: 53-23 (.697)
6. (8) Seth Wickersham, ESPN: 53-23 (.697)
10. (7) Mike Golic, ESPN: 51-24 (.680)
11. (11) Jason Cole, Yahoo: 50-26 (.658)
11. (13) Pete Prisco, CBS Sports: 50-26 (.658)
13. (12) Michael Silver, Yahoo: 49-27 (.645)
14. (13) Eric Allen, ESPN: 47-29 (.618)

Now let's see who's bringing home the bacon:

1. (1) ST. LOUIS RAMS

• Last week: Lost to Minnesota, 38-10 (+12)
  
• Actual Record: 0-5
• My predicted record: 0-5
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 62
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +62
  
• Link of the Week:

Kick 'em while they're down: Apparent Minnesota cheap shot knocks starting DT Gary Gibson out for the year and ... the NFL does nothing?

2. (2) TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

• Last week: Lost to Philadelphia, 33-14 (+13)
  
• Actual Record: 0-5
• My predicted record: 0-5
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 56
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +56
  
• Link of the Week:

Next up for Tampa Bay is the very same opponent that triggered this losing streak they've been on ever since.

3. (4) NEW YORK GIANTS

• Last week: Beat Oakland, 44-7 (+14)
  
• Actual Record: 5-0
• My predicted record: 5-0
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 55
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +55
  
• Link of the Week:

Just the headline my fantasy team needed to see: Is Ahmad Bradshaw No. 1?

4. (2) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

• Last week: Lost to Dallas, 26-20 (+10)
  
• Actual Record: 0-5
• My predicted record: 0-5
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 53
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +53
  
• Link of the Week:

Last week the team was auditioning a college wrestler with no football experience and this week ... well, you could apply.

5. (9) DETROIT LIONS

• Last week: Lost to Pittsburgh, 28-20 (+11)
• Actual Record: 1-4
• My predicted record: 0-5
• My record at predicting their record: 4-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 52
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 8
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +44
  
• Link of the Week:

Lions sounding awful banged up heading into Lambeau.

6. (13) MINNESOTA VIKINGS

• Last week: Beat St. Louis, 38-10 (+12)
  
• Actual Record: 5-0
• My predicted record: 5-0
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 41
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +41
  
• Link of the Week:

And speaking of Lambeau, Brett Favre's return to Green Bay WILL be nationally televised. Phew!

6. (15) OAKLAND RAIDERS

• Last week: Lost to New York Giants, 44-7 (+14)
  
• Actual Record: 1-4
• My predicted record: 1-4
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 4
• Points scored for me with losses: 37
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +41
  
• Link of the Week:

Antonio Pierce compared playing against the Raiders to a "scrimmage":

"There was no vibe of trying or effort from the Raiders at all from a defensive standpoint against their offense. We're getting three-and-outs. You don't hear nobody (saying), 'Hey, let's go!' trying to pick the guys up, rallying them, getting guys fired up. There was nothing. It was quiet. A guy gets sacked or somebody gets beat, they just get up. It's not like there's yelling or no kind of (emotion) about the way they were playing. "It was shocking to be out there in that game and get that kind of feeling."

8. (8) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

• Last week: Beat Tennessee, 31-9 (+6)
  
• Actual Record: 5-0
• My predicted record: 5-0
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 40
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +40
  
• Links of the Week:

I need to see "The Band That Wouldn't Die," but you'd think Jim Irsay might prefer not to come off as phony—as tempting as it is for everyone to have an opinion on Rush Limbaugh and the St. Louis Rams.

8. (12) CAROLINA PANTHERS

• Last week: Beat Washington, 20-17 (+9)
  
• Actual Record: 1-3
• My predicted record: 1-3
• My record at predicting their record: 4-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 9
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 31
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +40
• Link of the Week:

We're not last!

10. (13) DALLAS COWBOYS

• Last week: Beat Kansas City, 26-20 (+10)
  
• Actual Record: 3-2
• My predicted record: 3-2
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
• Points scored for me with wins: 35
• Points scored for me with losses: 4
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +39
• Links of the Week:

Sunday: Fox runs this.

Wednesday: Apology.

11. (6) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

• Last week: BYE
  
• Actual Record: 4-0
• My predicted record: 4-0
• My record at predicting their record: 4-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 38
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +38
  
• Link of the Week:

Interesting: Sean Payton has never won the first game back from a bye week.

12. (9) SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

• Last week: Beat Jacksonville, 41-0 (+3)
  
• Actual Record: 2-3
• My predicted record: 3-2
• My record at predicting their record: 4-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 15
• Points scored for me with losses: 22
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 1
  
• Plus/Minus: +36
• Link of the Week:

Is Owen Schmitt any good? Who cares when he's so obviously crazy!

12. (15) WASHINGTON REDSKINS

• Last week: Lost to Carolina, 20-17 (+9)
  
• Actual Record: 2-3
• My predicted record: 3-2
• My record at predicting their record: 4-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 25
• Points scored for me with losses: 19
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 8
• Plus/Minus: +36
  
• Link of the Week:

Your 2-3 Washington Redskins hold the dubious distinction of being the first team in history to play six consecutive winless teams.

14. (5) BUFFALO BILLS

• Last week: Lost to Cleveland, 6-3 (-7)
  
• Actual Record: 1-4
• My predicted record: 2-3
• My record at predicting their record: 4-1
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 10
• Points scored for me with losses: 30
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 7
• Plus/Minus: +33
  
• Link of the Week:

The no-huddle is no more in Buffalo.

14. (19) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

• Last week: Beat Tampa Bay, 33-14 (+13)
  
• Actual Record: 3-1
• My predicted record: 3-1
• My record at predicting their record: 4-0
• Points scored for me with wins: 28
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 5
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: +33
  
• Link of the Week:

Michael Vick's image rehabilitation needs some work.

16. (11) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

• Last week: BYE
• Actual Record: 2-2
• My predicted record: 2-2
• My record at predicting their record: 4-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 21
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 11
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +32
  
• Link of the Week:

Shawne Merriman and Vincent Jackson among those listed as likely to be hurt if the current collective bargaining aggrement enters its final season.

17. (7) CLEVELAND BROWNS

• Last week: Beat Buffalo, 6-3 (-7)
  
• Actual Record: 1-4
• My predicted record: 0-5
• My record at predicting their record: 4-1
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 35
• Points taken from me with wins: 7
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +28
• Link of the Week:

Braylon Edwards has already found second life on the Jets and now another AFC East team is interested in making a transsaction as the Dolphins want Joshua Cribbs—whose own negotiations with Cleveland have reached a stalemate.

18. (18) ATLANTA FALCONS

• Last week: Beat San Francisco, 45-10 (+2)
  
• Actual Record: 3-1
• My predicted record: 3-1
• My record at predicting their record: 4-0
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 16
• Points scored for me with losses: 7
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +23
  
• Links of the Week:

Last year the Falcons squeaked by the Bears at the last minute (*cough* choke *cough*)—but weren't as fortunate when Jay Cutler when he came to Atlanta.

19. (15) BALTIMORE RAVENS

• Last week: Lost to Cincinnati, 17-14 (-8)
  
• Actual Record: 3-2
  
• My predicted record: 5-0
• My record at predicting their record: 3-2
  
• Points scored for me with wins: 30
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 11
• Plus/Minus: +19
• Links of the Week:

Remember the man behind "The Giant Snatch" a few yeas ago?:

Well, he's a Raven now.

20. (20) MIAMI DOLPHINS

• Last week: Beat New York Jets, 31-27 (+1)
  
• Actual Record: 2-3
• My predicted record: 2-3
• My record at predicting their record: 5-0
• Points scored for me with wins: 2
• Points scored for me with losses: 16
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +18
  
• Link of the Week:

Jets whine about Wildcat after loss to Dolphins, but Channing Crowder and Ronnie Brown reasonably respond by asking tough-talking New York to walk the walk next time they play.

21. (25) PITTSBURGH STEELERS

• Last week: Beat Detroit, 28-20 (+11)
  
• Actual Record: 3-2
  
• My predicted record: 5-0
• My record at predicting their record: 3-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 27
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
• Points taken from me with losses: 12
  
• Plus/Minus: +15
• Link of the Week:

More problems for the champs: Aaron Smith is done for the year and it's going to take two guys to replace him.

22. (21) CHICAGO BEARS

• Last week: BYE
  
• Actual Record: 3-1
• My predicted record: 3-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 21
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 9
• Points taken from me with losses: 1
  
• Plus/Minus: +11
  
• Link of the Week:

The off-week and the attention being lavished upon Cedric Benson and Kyle Orton inspired David Haugh to put together the "All Ex-Bear Offense."

23. (23) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

• Last week: Lost to Atlanta, 45-10 (+2)
• Actual Record: 3-2
• My predicted record: 1-4
• My record at predicting their record: 3-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 11
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 7
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 8
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +10
  
• Links of the Week:

While seemingly everybody I know in the Chicago area believes Mike Singletary is a great coach, one Niners fan found a little reason for concern in how Samurai Mike got into it with former 49er Harvey Dahl.

24. (22) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

• Last week: Lost to Denver, 20-17 (-4)
  
• Actual Record: 3-2
• My predicted record: 4-1
• My record at predicting their record: 2-3
• Points scored for me with wins: 23
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 3
• Points taken from me with losses: 15
• Plus/Minus: +5
• Link of the Week:

Quick question about the return of 40-year-old Junior Seau: Why?

25. (24) DENVER BRONCOS

• Last week: Beat New England, 20-17 (-4)
  
• Actual Record: 5-0
• My predicted record: 3-2
• My record at predicting their record: 3-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 13
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 10
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
• Plus/Minus: +3
  
• Link of the Week:

Broncos owner Pat Bowlen says Brandon Marshall will get his money.

26. (26) GREEN BAY PACKERS

• Last week: BYE
  
• Actual Record: 2-2
• My predicted record: 2-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 11
• Points scored for me with losses: 5
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 1
• Points taken from me with losses: 14
  
• Plus/Minus: +1
  
• Link of the Week:

Even with the week off, the Packers are still first in sacks allowed.

27. (27) ARIZONA CARDINALS

• Last week: Beat Houston, 28-21 (+5)
  
• Actual Record: 2-2
• My predicted record: 2-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-2
• Points scored for me with wins: 5
• Points scored for me with losses: 2
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 6
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 7
• Plus/Minus: -6
  
• Link of the Week:

Talk about contrast: Nobody's better than Arizona's run defense, but nobody's worse at defending the pass either.

28. (30) TENNESSEE TITANS

• Last week: Lost to Indianapolis, 31-9 (+6)
  
• Actual Record: 0-5
• My predicted record: 3-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-3
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 14
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 0
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 21
• Plus/Minus: -7
• Link of the Week:

Jevon Kearse apparently has better things to do than support his teammates these days.

29. (29) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

• Last week: Lost to Seattle, 45-10 (+3)
  
• Actual Record: 2-3
• My predicted record: 1-4
• My record at predicting their record: 2-3
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 14
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 17
• Points taken from me with losses: 6
• Plus/Minus: -9
  
• Link of the Week:

Three home games so far for the Jags, and all of them have been blacked out.

30. (27) NEW YORK JETS

• Last week: Lost to Miami, 31-27 (+1)
  
• Actual Record: 3-2
• My predicted record: 0-5
• My record at predicting their record: 2-3
• Points scored for me with wins: 0
• Points scored for me with losses: 7
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 17
• Points taken from me with losses: 0
  
• Plus/Minus: -10
  
• Link of the Week:
  

So Coach Ryan, any reason you opted not to use a timeout when Miami was marching down the field on Monday night?

31. (32) HOUSTON TEXANS

• Last week: Lost to Arizona, 28-21 (+5)
  
• Actual Record: 2-3
• My predicted record: 3-2
• My record at predicting their record: 2-3
• Points scored for me with wins: 4
• Points scored for me with losses: 5
  
• Points taken from me with wins: 13
  
• Points taken from me with losses: 15
  
• Plus/Minus: -19
  
• Link of the Week:

Doing just enough to lose: "The Texans are ridiculously close to being a really good NFL team."

32. (30) CINCINNATI BENGALS

• Last week: Beat Baltimore, 17-14 (-8)
  
• Actual Record: 4-1
• My predicted record: 2-3
• My record at predicting their record: 1-4
• Points scored for me with wins: 10
  
• Points scored for me with losses: 0
• Points taken from me with wins: 25
• Points taken from me with losses: 6
• Plus/Minus: -21
  
• Link of the Week:

Peter King believes there's still hope Cincy can grab a night game when the flex scheduling kicks in—assuming the Bengals are still winning then.

My record by point value this season, where the 8-7-6 spots have been my inconsistency so far and probably cost me a couple of weeks. But still, only two spots with losing percentages:

16-point games: 3-0
15-point games: 3-0
14-point games: 4-1
13-point games: 4-1
12-point games: 5-0
11-point games: 4-1
10-point games: 4-1
9-point games: 4-1
8-point games: 3-2
7-point games: 2-3
6-point games: 3-2
5-point games: 4-1
4-point games: 4-1
3-point games: 3-2
2-point games: 5-0
1-point games: 2-3