Week Five Picks: Sans any penis shots

This face from Mike Martz probably best exemplifies my own reaction when the recent Brett Favre photos were published—although it could just easily been my reaction to everything relating to that prima donna over the past three or four years of on-again/off-again retirement too. I'm reluctant to republish the now infamous dong shot here or even over at the Tumblr (although linking to Photoshop fun had with it is different, obviously)—and not just because this week's post is being typed up from the public library, thanks to a lack of home internet connection until Tuesday.

As though the return of Randy Moss to the Vikes didn't make Monday night's contest compelling enough, now we'll get to enjoy the many ways in which ESPN is certain to make their broadcasters avoid touching that subject. Of course, my own head's still spinning from last night's thrill in a different sport. While the fancy little helmet graphics for this week's table will have to wait until I'm back on my own computer, here's what else is happening in the NFL this weekend outside of the world of some grandfather's genitalia:


Oh, and these numbers are based on what the sites had posted just after midnight on Friday evening/Saturday morning noon on Saturday, but again, I'm under time constraints on a computer at the library, so if any change again by kickoff on Sunday, well ... tough titties:

PFW Spread	Yahoo Users	Wunderdog	Brian Burke	My Numbers
14 (8)	14 (97%)	14 (28-18)	14 (.82)	14 (69)
12.5 (7)	13   (92%)	13 (24-15)	13 (.76)	13 (53)
12.5 (7)	10.5 (90%)	12  (27-19)	11 (.72)	12 (49)
10.5 (6)	10.5 (90%)	11 (21-15)	11 (.72)	11 (38)
10.5 (6)	10.5 (90%)	10 (26-21)	11 (.72)	10 (37)
9 (5 ½)	10.5 (90%)	9 (25-20)	9 (.70)	9 (32)
8 (4)	8 (80%)	8 (27-23)	8 (.67)	8 (30)
7 (3 ½)	7 (79%)	7 (23-19)	7 (.63)	7 (25)
4 (3)	5.5 (77%)	6 (21-17)	6 (.62)	6 (23)
4 (3)	5.5 (77%)	5 (22-18)	5 (.58)	5 (21)
4 (3)	4 (69%)	4 (22-19)	4 (.57)	4 (19)
4 (3)	3 (64%)	3 (21-18)	2.5 (.52)	3 (18)
4 (3)	2 (54%)	2 (17-16)	2.5 (.52)	2 (12)
1 (E)	1 (51%)	1 (20-19)	1 (.51)	1 (3)
46.5 points (6-8)	46.5 points (7-7)	41 points (6-8)	51.5 points (8-6)	62 points (8-6)

And keeping the time crunch in mind, accompanying commentary for my own picks is just going to have to wait another week. For now, however, this is how my own sheet's going to look this week:

14 points

San Diego Chargers (2-2) over Oakland Raiders (1-3)

0/0 : +31/25/+6 : +6/+31

13 points

Baltimore Ravens (3-1) over Denver Broncos (2-2)

+14/-4 : +21/23/-2 : +2/+7

12 points

Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1)

+10/+8 : +5/3/+8 : 0/-5

11 points
New Orleans Saints (3-1) over Arizona Cardinals (2-2)
+33/+1 : +52/30/+22 : +21/+19


10 points
Indianapolis Colts (2-2) over Kansas City Chiefs (3-0)

+4/0 : -19/19/0 : 0/-23

9 points
New York Jets (3-1) over Minnesota Vikings (1-2)

+9/-2 : +16/18/-2 : 0/+7

8 points
Dallas Cowboys (1-2) over Tennessee Titans (2-2)

-21/-5 : -24/21/+3 : +2/-3

7 points
Chicago Bears (3-1) over Carolina Panthers (0-4)
+11/-15 : +46/69/-23 : -8/+35


6 points
Houston Texans (3-1) over New York Giants (2-2)
+8/-6 : +15/12/+3 : +9/+7

5 points

Green Bay Packers (3-1) over Washington Redskins (2-2)

+31/0 : +19/32/-13 : -13/-12

4 points

Atlanta Falcons (3-1) over Cleveland Browns (1-3)

+19/0 : +34/38/-4 : -4/+15

3 points
Philadelphia Eagles (2-2) over San Francisco 49ers (0-4)

+16/+5 : +40/49/-9 : -14/+24

2 points 

Buffalo Bills (0-4) over Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2)

0/+50 : +14/37/+51 : +1/+14

1 point

Detroit Lions (0-4) over St. Louis Rams (2-2)

0/+54 : +1/53/+54 : 0/+1